Fox 2015-2016 TV Lineup: Another Year of Irrelevance
I consider myself to be somewhat of a television connoisseur so while I patiently wait for this “rollercoaster ride” (I put it in quotes because its I’m joking, get it?) that is True Detectives second season to come to an end I look forward to this upcoming year for fox. A year filled with Peter Griffins antics, Homer Simpsons lack of portion control and intelligence, and Bobs Burgers? No, fuck that show; I’m sorry I brought it up. FOR SHAME!
Yeah brace yourselves people, I’m in a mood so this post is going to be a longwinded mess. (A few comedy gems though, I can assure you of that, so you’re not going to want to go anywhere)
So while I start to prepare myself for primetime television this year I guess it would behoove me to check out what new shows we have waiting for us come autumn.
Side note: (Yeah, I’m doing this again so get ready) I’m currently sitting at my desk in my boxers drinking a diet Pepsi and a commercial comes on TV that I’m sure many of my fellow day time TV viewers are familiar with, “Here at Passages Malibu we treat your addiction” yada, yada, yada… [<— Seinfeld reference. See? Comedy Gems] Why? Why do you automatically assume that because I’m watching Comedy Central in the middle of the day I have a problem? You know what actually, I’ll concede I might have a problem. But guess what else I’m doing? Working two jobs! *Drops mic* yeah bet you didn’t see that coming…but yeah actually I have a pretty severe substance abuse problem if you’re one of the three people that’s continued reading this, please call for help. EVERYONE EXCEPT FOR MY MOM STOP READING: Don’t worry mom, I don’t have a substance abuse problem, it’s just a goof so my friends will think I’m cool. So far it’s been, ehh mostly unsuccessful.
What am I talking about again? Oh yeah, Fox’s fall preview. Well let’s dive right in. First, let’s begin with the shows we wont be seeing again.
Backstrom (1 Season 13 episodes)
This was supposed to be Rainn Wilsons’ show. The time had come for him to prove that he was bigger than The Office, the verdict? Honestly, not terrible. I mean it wasn’t good by any stretch of the imagination but seeing Rainn Wilson on television again was like saying hello to an old friend. Yes maybe your old friend has changed everything about him and is now way shittier then he was from 2005-2011 (I’m well aware the show ran through 2013 but when Steve Carell left the show so did I) but still, it was kind of nice.
The Following (3 seasons 45 episodes)
Never watched the show. Heard the first season was good and when it popped up on Netflix I remember thinking to myself “hey, this looks like fun” but 3 minutes into the pilot episode and bam, fell asleep. Never tried to watch it again. My verdict? Well the first three minutes weren’t that good so I can only imagine that stretched across 45 episodes. Glad I didn’t get invested in the show.
Gracepoint (1 season 10 episodes)
Yeah, didn’t watch this one either (Sorry, I only watch good TV) but I’m pretty upset this show wasn’t a success. Not because I actually cared about the success of the series but because Anna Gunn was the star of the show. For those of you who have been living under a rock or don’t care enough to actually learn actor and actresses names than I hate you and you deserve to die. I’m sorry, that was harsh. I’m just cranky. But Anna Gunn played Skyler White on Breaking Bad. Could anyone else have played that role? Yes, Patricia Arquette.
The Mindy Project (3 seasons 67 episodes on FOX)
This one is going to be long. SO this show had a rather interesting few seasons and technically it hasn’t been cancelled. But, The Mindy Project has officially left Fox and the remainder of the shows episodes will be aired on Hulu. Let me begin with the protagonist, played by Mindy Kaling. Before I continue with this show let me present to you my top 5 funniest females in order of greatness: Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig, Melissa McCarthy, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and sixth man of the year goes to Mindy Kaling. Not a big fan of Amy Schumer so spare your bullshit I really don’t want to hear it. Leslie Jones, Elle Kemper and Kate McKinnon you still have much to prove but everyone knows you have the potential to be great. So back to sixth man of the year, Mindy Kaling, you did everything right. You were an executive producer of the office and co-wrote the show. Legend. While I admire your determination to break into a leading role on TV I think you’re losing focus. Stick to what you’re great at: writing.
Mulaney (1 season, 13 episodes), Red Band Society (1 season, 13 episodes), Utopia (1 season, 12 episodes), Weird Loners (1 season, 6 episodes)
Whoever was responsible for green-lighting these shows should lose their job.
NOW it’s time to move on to what’s coming down the pipeline for Fox this year. If you want to see every trailer for Fox fall lineup then feel free to watch. For those of you with less time on your hands I’ve taken the liberty to talk about all of them as well as rate them 1-10 on my level of interest.
Scream Queens (series premier 9/22/15)
Right off the bat I’m saying no. I’m sorry but this looks fucking terrible. The only thing that might get me to watch the show is the fact that it was created by a Hobart alum (shout out Brad Falchuck). The cast is B-list and has-beens heaven. Emma Roberts might be the only good actor/actress in the show. The rest of the cast is Ariana Grande (this isn’t Nickelodeon, go back to singing), Nick Jones (I refer you to my last slam), Jamie Lee Curtis (ok, Freaky Friday did crank), Lea Michele (cause, Glee), Keke Palmer (bottoms up, listen to it, enjoy it), Abigail Breslin (we liked you better when you were 10), Nasim Pedrad and Niecy Nash. It’s probably going to be terrible so I predict Fox will most likely keep it on the air for at least 10 seasons.
Grandfathered (series premier 9/29/15)
Holy shit its Jesse Katsopolis. That’s right, Lord Stamos is returning to TV. John Stamos, Josh Peck. What more could I want. On a serious note it actually looks solid. You couple Stamos good looks and charm with Josh Pecks’ ability to tug on our heartstrings and you’ve got a hit on your hands. Favorite part of the whole trailer; the fact that Bob Saget comes in out of nowhere, they know what we want and it’s more Saget. Stamos plays an ultra successful restaurateur who claims he’s always wanted a family as a means of getting with the ladies but he is blindsided when Peck tracks him down and informs him that not only is he a father but a grandfather as well. Hilarity ensues. Not the best premise in the world but I’m intrigued.
The Grinder (series premier 9/29/15)
I’m a sucker for comedy. I’m a sucker for Rob Lowe. I’m a sucker for Fred Savages return. In the show Lowe’s character used to play a high-powered lawyer on TV for 8 seasons but with the series coming to a close he has to decide what to do with his life. After visiting with Savage, his brother in the show, he comes to the conclusion that he wants to pursue being a lawyer in real life. Savage, who is a brilliant lawyer himself, is infuriated with the idea at first however upon realizing that while he may have the Brains in the family Lowes’ character has the gift of the gab. One thing leads to another and they go parading around the courtroom. Kumail Nanjiani makes a guest appearance in the trailer so I guess I’ll watch the pilot. Don’t think the show will be too good though, however the same people who brought us Forgetting Sarah Marshall and New Girl created it so…
Minority Report (series premier 9/21/15)
No. Give it up. Stop trying to make futuristic science fiction shows work. Almost Human, Fringe, Alcatraz, Terra Nova, The Visitor. Learn from your past mistakes, Fox.
Rosewood (series premier 9/23/15)
It’s like a Dr. House meets Shawn from Psych, somehow have a black baby together, and move to Florida. The title character, Rosewood, has a certain type of swagger that really makes me want to check out the show. I do enjoy a good lighthearted crime scene mystery every now and then so Morris Chestnut, show us what you’re made of.
The Frankenstein Code (2016)
What did I tell you, Fox? NO FUTURISTIC SCIENCE FICTION SHOWS. Your stubbornness will be your undoing.
I’m speechless. You never cease to amaze me Fox. So the devil left hell because he didn’t want to be the devil anymore so now he is living in LA and decided he wants to be a detective. WHAT THE FUCK, FOX!!! Seriously, what brain dead monkey is calling the shots over there at Fox? When I see shows like Lucifer it makes me never want to stop chasing my dream of creating a television show. Because if a giant shit eating piece of garbage like Lucifer can make it on to television than lord knows something I write has a pretty fucking good chance.
10 seconds in and I already saw the only thing I need to see: “From Seth Macfarlane – Creator of Family Guy” I’m sold. This show looks like it’ll be the low budget answer to the crater left in Fox’s Sunday night lineup where American Dad used to be. Could be good, could be terrible. Only time will tell, the trailer really didn’t give us too much to go off of. Some classic Macfarlane one liners in there though which has me feeling some type of way, I wasn’t able to recognize his voice from any of the characters however he did cast the ever talented Hank Azaria as the voice of the title character so we shall see.
There you have it. A complete rundown of Fox’s new shows premiering this year. Buckle up, it’s going to be a bumpy ride…