I hated my job the moment I walked in for my interview.
I promised myself after my last job that I would not take another job that was dead end. Dead end in my book constitutes as a job that is not in your career field, you don’t learn anything new, you couldn’t get a promotion if you came in and learned every position at your job. For me those are some of the major signs that I do not need to be at the job. People are so damn hypocritical, “do what you love and you will never have to work a day in your life” or my absolute favorite, “you don’t want to look back on your life and wonder what you could have been.” Do you people get paid by hallmark to say this shit? Is their a course in how to bullshit people available on ebay that I have yet to come across?
The same people that will feed you all those happy go lucky lines will eventually be the same people saying, “But you need a job, a check is a check no matter who cuts it,” and of course “It’s just a job half the people I know are not at their dream job but you need something now.” If you have ever made both comments stating we should all be working our dream job and then in the next sentence telling the same person they should take anything I want you to follow my instructions and jump off the tallest building you see. Jump from the top floor because I don’t want there to be any chance of your survival.
I walked into the interview and from the smell of the office I knew I did not want to work there. The building wasn’t pretty but it was going to be steady income so if landed this job I would no longer be on facebook all day and surfing netflix for a new season of some show I never heard of that has at least five seasons. It would be a job, I might not like it, and I might actually hate it but it would be a job. “So why do you want to work for us?” I swear they need to come up with a better question, a question that makes me not imagine myself taking a hand grenade and inserting it in the interviewers mouth and casually watching their head blow off. “I think I would be a great fit for your company, your mission matches what I envision for myself personally and professionally and blah blah blah.”
I knew from the job description that I could do the job but it would be just that a job. Nothing special, no learning new things. and no reaching new heights. It was a job. A regular job, I would come in at a certain time to do a monotonous tasks until lunch, come back to the same monotonous task until I was able to go home and wake up the next day and do it all over again. I knew from the firm handshake and fake smiles that I did not want to work at this job. I knew from the “I will call you if we need to schedule another interview” that I did not want to work at this job. It was just not me, I didn’t fit the mold, not because I was to good but because I wanted more.
I knew from the offer letter that this was just not a job that I wanted to do. BUT I did like any other normal person in a recession, I took the job. I felt like I was signing away my happiness, like I gave someone my joy in a contract stating from 9am to 5:30pm you have all rights reserved on my joy, happiness, creativity, and learning. Yeah I might sound dramatic but that is how I felt, and excuse me if I believe that I am entitled to actually enjoy the place in which I spend most of my time at. They took doom and masked it as an offer letter, imagine the irony of calling my doom an offer. “Girl I am so happy for you, you know so many people still don’t have jobs cheer up it’s just a job you will find something better.” I remember a friend of mines told me that, all I could think was…When? When will I find my “something better” if I am placed in the never ending doom that is my job?
When will the “something better” come? I believe in showing up fashionably late but this “something better” is really pushing it time wise. Vacations for a week to beautiful islands and company parties are fine and dandy BUT it doesn’t satisfy my hunger for my “something more.” I was placed on earth by God to get the fullest human experience possible and I am insulted when my “something more” refuses to show up and makes me take a job that I knew from the interview I hated. Who made these rules and why is it that we keep following them? So many people post on social networks every single Monday that they “Hate Monday’s” they hate it because it is the beginning of the cycle of the week ahead. You cannot wait until Friday so that the next 48 hours maybe less you can forget about the week that passed and the week that lies ahead. You get to Sunday night and get depressed because Monday is only a few hours away, how is this living again?
“Your taking this far, its just a check and it beats a blank.” But what happens when that “just a job” turns into I am 50, I hate my job, and I go to bed some nights wondering why did I stay at the job I knew I hated from the moment I walked into the interview?