Is that your Friend or Frenemy ???
For as long as I can remember television has always depicted those two girls who started off as friends but somewhere down the line they became frenemies. They hangout together, share their secrets, and even have sleepovers but just as soon as the other is out of sight they talk about their “friend” like only an enemy would.
While I watched these “friends” go back and forth on different television shows I would always say to myself, “if this ever happened to me I would just cut the person off.” The whole going back and forth just never sat well with me, what’s the point of having a friend if you can’t really trust them? More importantly what is the point of having a friend if they smile in your face but all the while talk behind your back or wish you ill will when your not around. Who on earth would feel comfortable confiding in a person like this and then keeping them around once you know for a fact they are now a certified “Frenemy?” I would always say never me no way no how that is until I was placed in my very own frenemy situation. Did I take my own child advice certainly not, I mean I eventually cut all ties but I realized I became a character in my very own frenemy show.
The crazy thing that I didn’t realize about a true frenemy is that THEY WERE AT ONE POINT YOUR FREIND! I never took that into consideration until it was me on the chopping block. So I had a female friend who I was super duper close to, I mean I can say even today that if something were to ever happen to her I would still be there. And to me that is always an indicator that this person was once your friend when they do you wrong and you still have love for them lol. So this person was my good friend and for whatever reason we slowly lost touch. Now loosing touch simply means that while I have your phone number & you have mines we simply don’t talk as much as we used to. Long story short we did have a slight argument in which we didn’t speak for awhile now I was no victim I said my piece and was very petty. Eventually we got over it (Or so I thought) come to find out it was not over and I was the topic of bad words in her mouth. Looking back I really thought the beef was over but flash forward to present day and its far from over. Now I know how to be shady and I can sense shade, and when you know someone you know when shade is being served with a side of iced tea. Things would happen like birthday events would come and I wouldn’t be invited (I guess my invite got lost in the mail) or she would invite all of our mutual friends out to dinner (and loose my invite) But the best part of it all was that every time I would speak to her it was all hugs and kisses, “I miss you,” “we have to link,” and the best “I follow all your work and I am so proud of you.” The ish really hit the fan once I heard through a mutual friend that she was actually doing the total opposite. Now why on earth would I keep staying in contact with a person like this I am sure is your question. The reason why everyone does, you think its not true its almost like finding out your mate is cheating on you its that hurtful. You need proof beyond a shadow of a doubt that this person is doing you wrong because all you can think about was how much fun you had together or how much history you have. Well the proof as they say was in the pudding, and the crazy part is my Frenemy still has no idea I heard all the Great things she has been saying about me.
So now what, where do we all go from here? You have a few options, you can one curse the person out and never speak to them again. It’s a rather let it off your chest option, or you could secondly call the person out in a mature way and lay all the issues out on the table and either move to being friends or being done. This option is for people who want to be friends with the person because sometimes it might be more to the story than you think. And lastly option three, you can lay it all out on the table with the other person forgive them and walk away.
Just because you got things off your chest does not mean that you have to end up being the best of friends. In my case I slightly spoke to the person, I say slightly because it was all done through text and of course I thought we could move forward being cool not best friends but at least cool. That was until I heard something more recent that made me just say to myself, “Okay now I’m done.” I mean I should have been done a long time ago but that was my fault. We spoke and it was all resolved in my head but it was not the case again on her end. So for me I am done, no more calls, hi text messages, link ups, nothing. I wish her all the best but no friend on earth would want to feel as though they are around someone who truly for whatever reason has issues with them and can’t trust that what they say is genuine and true. Life is for the living and we can’t sit around trying to wake something up that was dead a long time ago. It is hard because you don’t want it to be true but the good ole saying is true, “That’s life.” In the end you won’t die and you might be sad but if you are me you will feel a sense of relief. Now you don’t have to wonder if this person if your friend because you already know they are not. You don’t have to care if the person is talking about you, because they are and it’s okay because you ain’t friends with them anyways. Most importantly you can move on because you are clear on who and what type of person your dealing with. No they are no longer a “Frenemy” they are just simply someone who you used to know.