Oh. My. Gawd. I am almost 30!
It happens the same way, I can’t breathe, my heart is racing and I realize I am having an anxiety attack. “Drink some water Sharee and just breathe before you start feeling light headed!” I tell myself this every time it happens as time passes I calm down. “It’s okay you are alive and you’re still 28 you are not 30 yet!” That thought eases my mind some but I know that soon and very soon I will have reached the point of no return….My 30th birthday.
I will be turning 29 next month and all of my friends (those who love me) have been asking me what will I be doing to celebrate my birthday. That small question to the naked eye seems harmless, they are my friends they just want to know how I will be celebrating it’s all out of love. But to me it signifies the inevitable…my 30th birthday. Knowing that on the exact day of my 29th birthday I will have 364 days until I am 30. I made it safely through my quarter life crisis only to come up against “The Dirty 30” <– And who the fuck coined it “The Dirty 30” anyways? Woosah! I was just starting to get the hang of being in my everlasting twenties (I do feel like I was in them a long time) but I didn’t say it was long enough to take them away from me permanently.
What have I done!?! I am still trying to figure things out, like why does the cage bird sing? Is she sad, upset, or is she singing because she wants to be signed to Young Money!? I feel like a person who is almost 30 should know these things! Should I be married off by now surely being single and almost 30 is not normal. I need to travel more people who are 30 should be traveling more right!? I need answers! For God’s sake I watch “The Carrie Diaries!” I need to have a bigger vocabulary, because people in their thirties should only use big words to express themselves right?!? Should I only drink wine now because it seems as though all the people in their thirties have thrown away their childish ways (vodka and cognac) and moved on to drinking out of wine glasses….but what about the big red cups? Will they be just a memory of things of twenty somethings past?
Lets not even talk about all of my friends who have gotten married and have kids (pass the razor now so I can end it all). I am not even ready for marriage or kids, I actually still just want to travel and shop freely (but do thirty year old’s do this)? I like to snuggle with my mother while we watch stupid shows, can I still do that at 30 (hell yeah I am not giving that up)! And the biggest one yet, have I accomplished enough to confidently go into my thirties with my head held high? Has the last decade of my life been a prosperous one or one filled with parties and booze (lets not forget about the boys with tattoos). Hold up! I better still be able to like boys with tattoos, can people in their thirties still like cute guys who are tatted up?
I guess that is the fear, the fear of not having my shit together whatever that means. I guess it’s because there is this unwritten rule that by 30 you should know some valuable shit. You should have a plan a solid one, I don’t know who made up these rules (and if I ever find out I am going to murder their entire bloodline). But some of the best things that have ever happened to me were not planned. My mother and grandmother have always told me that it is a privilege to grow old because not everyone gets that chance. I have seen a child leave this earth with my own two eyes, never experiencing a prom or even a junior high graduation. She never got to turn sixteen or even have her first kiss. So why am I sitting here going mad about turning thirty in a year and some change? I guess its because I am still an immature kid trying to disguise myself as an adult which by this very blog post should reveal to any real adult that I still have much to learn lol. (Call a thing a thing) #InMyIyanlaVoice
I am grateful for my life, and I appreciate everything that happened even the shit I wish never did. I turn 29 on 12/30 and God willing I will see 30 and turning 30 on the 30th sounds like a sign letting me know that there is magic in the air always. Well I have to go finish my “Before you turn 30 here is what you must do” list. I will give you a look at some of the things that made the list below
Before I turn 30 I must:
Get a tattoo (Because I am still trying to make mama proud!!!)
Get High (I have never in my life gotten high like ever…BUT to help out my squareness I have gotten my tongue pierced on a dare so ha! Hand me back my Rihanna card)
Buy myself something so expensive that even I will do a double take (I spoil myself but this gift will be one for the books)
Have dinner by myself (I have always considered this the loneliest shit ever until I decided it wasn’t)
Fly in a helicopter (I am afraid of heights)
Be able to curl my hair to perfection and do my own makeup (judge me if you want but my curls always look weird and I am very regular when it comes to applying makeup…I have to get that wing right by 30)
The list is longer but the final thing on my list is to make sure I go into my new decade with my head held high and be down for whateva! Life is some shit, it comes with ups and downs BUT the ups are so amazing you almost always forget about the downs. I am almost 29 so that means I am now damn near 30.