Pizza: $10.99 or 3 Seconds of Boob-age?

Pizza: $10.99 or 3 Seconds of Boob-age?

I consider myself quite an economical woman. I treat myself on occasion, such as when I see a $15 mini wedding cake that looks so aesthetically pleasing I have to buy it to share with my friend. Usually though I try to spend the least amount  of money as possible on necessities. For example, I have made out for a box of rice before, and I have slept next to a fat German man on a  30 hour train ride to avoid astronomical airfare.  I use Tupperware container lids and frisbees as plates, and I take sugar packets from Starbucks (go ahead and judge me, but when they stop charging half my tuition for one caramel crapachino, then maybe I will feel bad taking their sugar packets).

So being smart and, well, poor, I am quite the supporter of some innocent boob flashing in exchange for getting food or really anything that I want but do not want to, or cannot, pay for. Yes, I will admit this is perhaps immature reasoning and comparable to a much lesser form of prostitution, but also let us bear in mind, my friends, that boobs are just boobs, that is all. They are just an innocent, albeit fun as hell , body part. Flashing involves no touching, just a nice, quick whoop! Take a nice gander, and then give me my free extra-large pizza please.

Many beaches across Europe allow women to walk around topless; it is expected and natural, and they get no free pizza for that. I fully believe that it should be that way on American beaches as well.  Although I am not trying to see some saggy grandma titties, it is nice to feel free from the constraints of society and bathing suit straps sometimes. Yet until that day happens, I see nothing wrong with taking full advantage of offering to flash someone in exchange for some product or food, assuming the person offering the product or food agrees.

I asked my boyfriend, hypothetically of course, if he would be mad if I flashed some guy for some very special object of my desire, something of little significance to this post so I shall refrain from going into that. Anyways,he replied that of course he would be mad, why would I think he would not be? Uh, I don’t know, because it is my body, and I can do whatever I want with it? I get that being in a relationship means being loyal to that person you are with, but I really think there is nothing wrong with flashing. It was not like I was saying I was going to make out with some random bro at the club for a sandwich, just a flash.

I proceeded to ask him if he would be mad if I were a nude model, to which he replied, no. “That’s different because it’s a job.” What?! The only difference between  flashing someone for food and modeling naked for money that you then spend on food is the absence  of money as a middle man in the first scenario. Otherwise, the principle is the same; by flashing I am just saving myself hours of sitting still and having my fat rolls from said pizza forever etched on paper.

I do not care what anyone says, I will try to flash my way to the top until I have a bathtub made of diamonds in my mansion on a European beach.

(These are the times when I truly wish my beloved family would not support me and stop reading my blogs. But I will not let that stop me from proclaiming my successful methods and perhaps unconventional views to the world. Boobs rule. Sorry Grandma.)